The making of a community

Hailing from a small place like Gibraltar, the sense of community is given and often taken for granted.  

You greet your neighbours on your way to work, wave hello to the same people you pass by on your regular commute, arrive at work and greet everyone good morning.  

These are the people that have now formed part of your everyday routine and commute to work.  

Chances are you’ll come across the same bus driver, the same person serving you your morning coffee and the same cashiers if you pop into the shops for a copy of the Chronicle and your lunch.  

You will walk past the same cafés with the regular folks meeting their friends or loved ones and are probably sat at the same tables.  

Then there are events like this weekend’s Calentita where Gibraltar’s diverse communities come together and share their cuisines.  

For those few hours, everyone forms part of a wider community.  

Then there’s this sense of belonging.  

In Gibraltar, I also form part of the Sindhi community.  

We share a traditional background, a religion, a culture and heritage. We speak or understand the same language spoken at home.  

When I lived in London, my sense of community was fulfilled by other Sindhi friends from all around the world. 

We all knew someone who knew someone who was related to us.  

I also had a community of Llanito friends with whom I’d reminisce about things from home, places to go, places to eat, the people, the beach.  

Then there were communities I had built, such as friends who I met at university, friends of friends, friends who I worked with.   

For the past six weeks, I have been in India and it has brought up so many questions for me when it comes to belonging to a community.  

Outside of being with family, the only sense of belonging I have truly felt was taking part in a two-day crochet flower workshop and a drum circle workshop.  

A fun experience that offered a reprieve for a few hours, it made me wonder how can someone build a community for themselves in a city so big where you are just one of so many others.  

If you have a big family, that is an automatic community that comes with having lots of aunts and uncles and cousins and then their children and, before you know it, it’s 30 of you trying to squeeze into a flat for a family dinner.  

Having kids automatically gives you a group of friends – the parents of your kids’ friends automatically become your friends where you share a similar journey throughout their lifetimes.  

This is especially important in a place like India, where many women are still expected to fulfil more traditional roles of being at home raising the kids or looking after elderly parents in multi-generational homes. 

My aunt said this is where she turns to other women who live in her building estate to make friends with.  

An active social life filled with “kitty parties” for lunch, singing and dance classes, and celebrations for religious festivals.  

I spoke to Khushboo, who holds workshops across the city for various hobbies, whether it is art, dance, or different crafts that are often well frequented.  

“I began this business to give people an opportunity to have fun,” she says.  

In her mid 30s, she did everything she felt was right and was expected of her.  

She got good grades at school, went to a good university, started working for a multi-national accounting firm where she climbed the ranks, got married, and was burnt out.  

Her marriage broke down and she was forced to make a decision about her career after she felt that slipping through her fingers.  

Together with a group of like-minded ex-colleagues she launched a business which holds fun workshops in various parts across Mumbai.  

“People of all ages come to the workshops and we’re lucky that they have been well attended by men and women alike,” she said.  

“Some come looking for a break from their day-to-day lives, some come with a group of friends looking to try something new, some people attend the workshops as a way to fill their time or meet new people or rediscover their love for an old hobby.” 

And this is when realisation dawned on me.  

You can only become part of a community by putting in the effort. Whether that means making conversation with those near to you, or asking for help, or offering help, or even simply making a commitment and showing up.  

You can only take from what you put in, and that is what it comes down to.