A letter to my daughter

By Kaylan Viagas

As I write this, you haven't been born yet, but you have already changed my life in ways I never thought possible. The day your mum and I found out we were expecting you is a moment I will carry with me forever. You aren't a surprise or an accident, your mum and I decided to take this step together. You are wanted, hoped for, and loved long before we saw your tiny heartbeat.

Choosing to become your parents is the greatest decision we have made, and from that moment, our world has become filled with excitement, anticipation, and dreams about the life we hope to build with you.

Long before you came into our lives, I learned that fathers matter. Through my own experiences and through everything I have read about early childhood, I have come to understand that mums and dads each bring something unique and equally important to a child's life. Knowing you were on your way didn't create that belief, it made it even stronger.

I have imagined those first days with you countless times. I want to be there to hold you in my arms, to change your nappies, soothe you when you cry, bathe you, read to you, and rock you to sleep. I want to be there for your mum too, to help her recover after carrying you for nine months by taking on the sleepless nights, the chores, and every responsibility I possibly can.

Not because I'm "helping" your mum, but because that is what being your father means to me. I always like to plan ahead, so not long after we found out about you, I started looking into paternity leave here in Gibraltar. What I found broke my heart. There is no statutory paid paternity leave.

Suddenly, one of the happiest times of our lives has become overshadowed by a choice no family should ever have to make: should I take unpaid leave so I can be there for you and your mum, or should I keep working because we simply cannot afford for me not to?

It makes me feel as though my role as your father was being reduced to earning a wage. As though the most valuable thing I can offer you is a payslip, rather than my time, my care, and my presence. Whether intended or not, that is the message we are left with.

Your mum and I already know there will be challenges ahead. There will be sleepless nights, financial pressures, and moments when we wonder if we're getting anything right. But we also know that we are a team, and it would be unfair that after everything your mum will go through to bring you into this world, so much of the responsibility should continue to fall on her. Simply because society has not recognised that fathers need to be there too.

If money were no object, I know exactly how I would spend those precious first weeks of your life. I would spend every moment I could getting to know you. I'd carry you when you needed comforting, change every nappy I could, sing to you even if I was out of tune, read stories you wouldn't yet understand, and make sure your mum could rest, recover, and simply enjoy being with you.

Those aren't chores to me. They are privileges. They are the moments that build a family. The truth is, fathers matter. We are not backup parents, babysitters, or optional extras.

Research has shown time and time again that when fathers are involved from the very beginning, children thrive, mothers are better supported, and families become stronger. The time a father spends with his child in those earliest days helps build a bond that can last a lifetime.

Paid paternity leave isn't just about employment rights, it's about giving families the chance to begin their journey together in the best possible way.

As I write this, you are still growing safely inside your mum, and already we find ourselves worrying about things we wish we didn't have to. Instead of simply counting down the days until we meet you, we're calculating finances, thinking about unpaid leave, and wondering how much time we'll realistically be able to spend together during those first irreplaceable weeks of your life. I hope that by the time you read this, those worries will feel like history.

More than anything, I hope that when you one day become a parent yourself, no father in Gibraltar will ever have to choose between being paid and being present. I hope you live in a society that understands what I already know before I've even met you, that love isn't measured by the money we earn, but by the moments we share.

Whatever happens, I want you to know this: from the moment I learned you existed, all I wanted was to be there with you.

I cannot wait to meet you

Love always

Dad