Our language shapes how we respond to suicide

By Brenda Cuby, CEO of GibSams

Every September, GibSams marks Suicide Prevention Month. This year’s theme is Changing the Narrative on Suicide, and it’s a chance to open up more honest and respectful conversations about mental health and suicide.

Before anything else, we want to say thank you. Our community continues to show strong support for our work. Events like Green Friday help us raise much-needed funds and awareness. We’re grateful to everyone who takes part, donates, or simply spreads the word. It makes a real difference.

In line with the global theme for this month, we want to take a moment to focus on the role that language plays. The words we use when talking about suicide can either help someone feel supported or make it harder for them to speak up. Sometimes small changes in how we talk can make a big difference.

WHY DO WORDS MATTER?

I recently spoke with someone who had lost someone close. What stood out was how people described what had happened. She often heard the phrase “committed suicide.” While the people using it meant no harm, it left her feeling unsettled. It made the death sound like something wrong or criminal. That added to her sadness, and made it harder to talk about openly.

At GibSams, we hear similar stories. That’s why we encourage people to speak with care.

Many organisations in the UK, including Samaritans and the Zero Suicide Alliance, now recommend using terms like “died by suicide” or “took their own life.” These alternatives remove blame and reflect a more thoughtful and compassionate approach. Suicide hasn’t been a criminal offence in the UK for over 60 years, but the language we use hasn’t always caught up.

Some phrases can also be unintentionally unkind. For example, we often hear “successful suicide.” That wording can seem to attach value to the act itself. We suggest phrases like “non-fatal suicide attempt” or “survived a suicide attempt,” which are clearer and focus on the person’s experience rather than the outcome.

WHAT OUR VOLUNTEERS LEARN

Every GibSams listener takes part in detailed training before they begin supporting others. Our training team prepares volunteers to offer care, kindness and a sense of calm. This includes learning how to speak in ways that encourage openness and reduce stigma.

One part of the training focuses on language. We spend time exploring what to say, how to say it, and how small changes in wording can help someone feel safer.

One of our trainers shared an example. A new volunteer came across the phrase “thinking of ending your life” and found it difficult to say at first. But after practising, they saw how using clear and respectful language could help someone feel more understood. Once we move past discomfort, we can offer people the space they need to talk.

When people are not made to feel ashamed, they are more likely to reach out. That’s often the first step towards getting support.

A MYTH WE NEED TO CHALLENGE

One common myth is that if someone is having suicidal thoughts and ideation, it’s already too late to help them. That isn’t true. According to studies, people who are feeling this way do not want to die. They just want something to change. Support is possible, and things can improve. At GibSams, we regularly hear from people who are in distress. They speak with a trained listener who doesn’t rush them or offer easy answers. Often, being heard is the first step forward.

We’re here to listen, without judgement. And we believe that if more of us felt able to talk openly about suicide, more people would feel safe enough to ask for help sooner.

That’s what Changing the Narrative is all about. With more awareness and better understanding, we can make these conversations a more natural part of community life.

WHAT YOU CAN DO

If you want to be part of this change, starts with the words you use. Here are a few simple suggestions:

Use “died by suicide” instead of “committed suicide”

Avoid phrases like “successful suicide” or “failed attempt”

Try saying “experiencing suicidal thoughts” instead of “feeling suicidal”

If you’re concerned about someone, ask directly but gently: “Are you thinking about ending your life?”

Asking someone about suicide does not make them more likely to act on those thoughts. It can often bring relief and help them feel less alone. If someone opens up, just listen. You don’t need to fix everything. Sometimes, listening without judgement is enough

MAKE A DIFFERENCE

Volunteering with GibSams is not always easy, but it is one of the most meaningful things you can do. You will become part of a team that helps people feel less alone, one conversation at a time. Head over to gibsams.gi/volunteer for more information on our next volunteer recruitment session.

Together, we can change the narrative. We can build a Gibraltar where it is safe to talk about suicide. And where everyone knows they are not alone.