‘It’s never about one person’, runner says, ahead of marathon for suicide bereavement support

Paul Robinson has only been running for two years, but next month the 72-year old will run the Leeds marathon to help launch a new project via GibSams supporting people bereaved by suicide, a group he described as “the left behind”.

Speaking to the Chronicle shortly after his longest training run to date at 28.5km, Mr Robinson explained that what began as a personal challenge has grown into a family effort with his son Sam joining him in the race.

No one was as surprised as Mr Robinson to find out he is signed up for a full 42km marathon. He thought he had registered for the half marathon, 21km, and it was only when Sam pointed it out the error that he became aware of what lay ahead.

He initially thought he would re-register for the correct distance but his son said that if he ran the full distance, he too would join in.

The race will also be Sam’s first full marathon and in fact the event is turning into a family affair, with Sam’s brother-in-law also joining in to run his first marathon, and his father-in-law signing up to his first half-marathon.

“Leeds marathon is a tough marathon to do,” Mr Robinson said.

“There’s a lot of elevation in it. The biggest climb is a real gruelling climb at around the 20-mile mark. By that stage we will have run over 33 or 34 kilometres, and we still have six miles to go after that.”

Having trained for about 10 months, Paul is currently running and going to the gym six days a week.

His longest run to date is 28.5km and although he had hoped to push that over 30km, his AI-based training programme has warned him not to do too much more and risk injury.

“I’d like to get over 30, because I feel I need to know that I can actually do it,” he admitted. “That’s my worry, not being able to do it.”

However, with Sam, who lives in Leeds, running alongside him setting the pace he feels more at ease.

Their preparation has included long phone calls while running, shared training sessions when he visits the UK, and hill work in Gibraltar to mimic the brutal hills in Leeds.

“Leeds is horrible running-wise,” he said.

“There’s so much elevation, it’s exhausting. I don’t get a chance to do enough hill work here, so I’ve started running from Ocean Village up to Europa Point and back. About 11.5km just to get some hills in.”

Driving each footstep he runs is his focus on raising money for GibSams and a new initiative focused specifically on people bereaved by suicide.

So far, almost £6,500 has been raised thanks to strong backing from the local business community, said Mr Robinson.

Mr Robinson said that previously he had not realised the scale of the impact suicide has on those left behind.

He cited research suggesting that while older studies estimated at least six people are deeply affected by every suicide, more recent work puts the figure somewhere between 15 and 30.

“You think suicide is about one person. It’s never about one person,” he said.

“As much as your heart bleeds for people who are so desperate they feel they can’t go on, how much worse is it for all those people who are left behind?”

“Their grief is what researchers call ‘complicated grief’ because there’s guilt, there’s ‘what did we miss?’, there’s anger, there’s loneliness, and sometimes even PTSD.”

He added that people who've gone through this say that people don't know how to deal with it, they don’t use the word suicide, they don't mention their name.

He noted that people have a range of emotions when it comes to a loved one taking their own life, adding that “about 65% of people who are left behind are vulnerable, and some go on and take their own lives as well.”

He said that as much as GibSams tries to intervene to prevent suicide some of those people who get left behind are not getting help.

CEO of GibSams, Brenda Cuby, said that the people that are left behind after suicide can reach out to the charity.

“They can reach out to call us but the shame and the stigma kind of puts people off, and so they don't know where to go. So it's all about reducing that shame and stigma and showcasing that there is support for them.”

For Mr Robinson, the marathon is simply his way of helping to plant a seed.

“I’m not an expert on any of this,” he said. “My job is just to try and get some money to start. As much as this is a challenge for me, it’s nothing compared to the challenge these people are facing. In lots of ways, I’ve got the easy part.”

GibSams is grateful for his challenge as it relies on fundraising.

In the past eight years it has concentrated heavily on prevention but sees an urgent need to do more for those bereaved by suicide.

“They’re at very high risk themselves,” said Mrs Cuby.

“It is hard for them to accept help and support. And sometimes as Paul has said, there's a lot of grief out there. There's a lot of unanswered questions.”

In addition to coping with grief, bereaved individuals often have to navigate complex processes involving the police, coroner, and healthcare services. Managing these responsibilities while grieving can leave people feeling lost and vulnerable, placing them at a higher risk of experiencing suicidal thoughts or mental health difficulties themselves.

It is important to recognise that the impact of suicide extends beyond immediate family members, she added.

Friends, colleagues and acquaintances are also affected, yet they often do not seek help because they feel their grief is less significant than that of close relatives.

This can create cycles of guilt and isolation, particularly if workplaces or social networks are unsupportive.

GibSams is working alongside Walking Together, a support group on the Rock for those who have lost loved ones through suicide. The two will work together and share resources to make a difference for those that are left behind.

“So we want to showcase that we are there to listen. You know, as an organisation, it's not just for those who have been feeling that way, but if you are bereaved by that that you can also reach out,” she said.

She added that GibSams hopes to be to showcase the support for those left behind during Suicide Prevention Month in September.

In the meantime, her message for those in the community is to not avoid those who have lost a loved one.

“What this person is needing is for you to come and give them a hug and say, How are you feeling? And say, tell me about your son. Tell me about your daughter. Tell me, and use their name,” she said.

It might upset them to talk but this too can be helpful for the person, and if they are unable to talk because they are feeling fragile in that moment, they will say.

When GibSams does suicide first aid training for the community people are taught how to have those conversations.

“I think that's what's important. It's that people are unaware of what those conversations should look like, or could look like, and so the more people that can equip themselves with these tools, then the better it is in reducing the stigma,” she added.

The Leeds marathon takes place on May 10, to support Mr Robinson and GibSams reach his goal of £10,000 go https://www.justgiving.com/page/paul-robinson-gibsams